There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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