Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
