We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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