apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
