i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
