forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
