Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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