There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
