Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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