i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
