It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
