No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
