This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
