Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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