just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
