dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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