Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
