His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
