I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
