According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
this just has baby written all over it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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