don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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