would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
please come you make the beer taste better
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
