My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
