of course. lets lasso hookers.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
