Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
