After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
