There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
this hospital has no fireball
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
