How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The adults are the big ones right?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
