It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
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