I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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