Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He better not be in your backpack
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
