Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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