Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Eman_Resu hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(425): View more from Washington

my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.

Fav 4 1164 2303
share tweet
(978): View more from Massachusetts

I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.

Fav 7 3147 864
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(216): View more from Ohio

normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures

Fav 25 8552 1169
share tweet
(912): View more from Georgia

Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.

Fav 4 4531 1088
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.

Fav 12 2753 1721
share tweet
(585): View more from New York

She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back

Fav 2 1522 837
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(701): View more from North Dakota

Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.

Fav 11 3290 1043
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(978): View more from Massachusetts

You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.

Fav 0 18 34
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(253): View more from Washington

So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.

Fav 0 63 33
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT