In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
