I need help removing her.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
