she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Who died my cat blue again?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
