my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
