I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
