I heard we made out
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
