never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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