he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
