Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
