Tell her she can't have a vagina
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
