Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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