i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
