You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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