They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
