Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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