capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
