Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
why do cheetos always look like penises
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
