so that wasnt chicken after all
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
